Just a Child

Rahim Khan (2001) 

This is God’s will. God has decided that it is time for me to leave this world, and I have gracefully accepted His decision. However, before I die, I want to present a gift to both Amir Agha and Hassan. The gift in which I will give Amir Agha is a chance to wash away his sin and his guilt. “A chance to be good again.” The gift that I have owed Hassan for a long time is the return of his most beloved friend and brother. With these two gifts, I can leave this world without regret.

            Lord, I have sinned. I have known the truth for many many years, and yet I have kept it hidden. I have known about Hassan; the truth about who he really was and what had happened to him. Forgive me Lord, for I was lost. When Hassan told me the truth, I was frustrated at Amir Agha because he did not cherish and love Hassan like a good brother. I love Amir Agha; I did not want hate or blame him. I did not want to tell him about Hassan’s death because I know that Amir Agha would be devastated. Amir Agha would blame himself. It was when I heard that the pomegranate tree that Hassan and Amir adored, burned down, that I have decided to take action.  

            Amir Agha deserves forgiveness. Just a child he was when that horrible incident occurred. What could he have done? Oh, the irony. He was just an innocent child that desperately wanted his father’s attention, and yet he failed to do the one thing his father wanted him to do, standing up for what is right. My last task is to convince Amir Agha to stand up for his brother, and bring back Sohrab.  Be courageous Amir Agha. I will pray for you.           

This is a song is a perfect parallel to what I want to tell Amir Agha. Find the answer to the riddle Amir Agha; find the answer to life. I will never give up on you, because I love you. There is a reason for the world, there is a reason for you. 

I am a Hazara

Young Amir            

              I have been called many different names by Amir Agha, countless actually.  However, Amir Agha had never called me a coward before. Today was the first time.

            This morning Amir Agha was extremely angry at me. He threw at least ten pomegranates at me, maybe even more. I was confused when he demanded me to hit him back; I have never seen him shout this loudly before. I may be stupid and illiterate, but I know better than to act violently towards my friend, my brother, and my master. I am ashamed to say that secretly, I was enraged when Amir Agha called me a coward. I simply struck myself with a pomegranate, because I would rather hurt myself than hurt Amir Agha.

            As I wash of the pomegranate remains from my face and my clothing, I began to realize the reason to Amir Agha’s actions today. His face looked exhausted, as if he hasn’t been sleeping for days. I know why he isn’t sleeping. I know he is blaming himself, and perhaps that was why he wanted me to strike him under the pomegranate tree. I do not blame Amir Agha. I do not blame him for not saving me. I am a Hazara and a servant. Despite the fact that I am content with what I have, Assef will never let me be. Even if Amir Agha had saved me, Assef will find another chance to hurt me. Not every Pashtun is like Amir and his father, loving and caring. I am a Hazara and as long as I live under Amir Agha’s roof, I will destroy his reputation. I am a Hazara and I do not belong here. 

Being a Good Father

Baba (1975)

      What is the definition of a good father? In my eyes, a good father is a man who desperately wishes for their child to grow into a great man, a powerful man, a respected man, and an honest man. Amir troubles me; I can not express the feeling that overcomes me when I look into his dark brown eyes. Is it guilt? Fear?

      Sometime ago, my good friend, Rahim Khan, told me to never be disappointed in Amir, because he can not become the powerful businessman that I was. However, not once have I wished for Amir to become like me, or anything like me. I do not want Amir to follow in the footsteps of a thief and a traitor. Oh, not only am I am thief and a traitor, I am also liar. I have deceived Amir throughout his entire life. I faked the role of an honest man, and concealed my greatest sins from Amir ………. and Hassan. Oh Hassan, how I wish Amir was more like him. Hassan is ever so loyal and courageous. Ali did a wonderful job raising him. My only wish is that Amir can have the courage to stand up for himself, and to stand up for what he believes in. When Amir grasps hold onto such courage, I can finally say that I was a good father.

      The winter season is coming close, and all the children are preparing for Gudiparan Bazi, also known as kite flying. Ah, I remember the year that I won the kite flying tournament, I was so proud. Everyone in the town cheered for me. This year I hope that Amir and Hassan will win, and perhaps, for once I can look into their eyes and forget my guilt because of my proudness towards Amir and Hassan, my beloved children. 

This song, Look Through My Eyes, conveys my feelings that I want to confess to Amir and Hassan. Due to my guilt, I have forgotten how to properly love them. However, with this song I hope that they can see the amount of love and care I have for them.