Young Amir
I have been called many different names by Amir Agha, countless actually. However, Amir Agha had never called me a coward before. Today was the first time.
This morning Amir Agha was extremely angry at me. He threw at least ten pomegranates at me, maybe even more. I was confused when he demanded me to hit him back; I have never seen him shout this loudly before. I may be stupid and illiterate, but I know better than to act violently towards my friend, my brother, and my master. I am ashamed to say that secretly, I was enraged when Amir Agha called me a coward. I simply struck myself with a pomegranate, because I would rather hurt myself than hurt Amir Agha.
As I wash of the pomegranate remains from my face and my clothing, I began to realize the reason to Amir Agha’s actions today. His face looked exhausted, as if he hasn’t been sleeping for days. I know why he isn’t sleeping. I know he is blaming himself, and perhaps that was why he wanted me to strike him under the pomegranate tree. I do not blame Amir Agha. I do not blame him for not saving me. I am a Hazara and a servant. Despite the fact that I am content with what I have, Assef will never let me be. Even if Amir Agha had saved me, Assef will find another chance to hurt me. Not every Pashtun is like Amir and his father, loving and caring. I am a Hazara and as long as I live under Amir Agha’s roof, I will destroy his reputation. I am a Hazara and I do not belong here.
YOUNG AMIR
ReplyDeleteHassan, this is a song that represents all the guilt that I have suffered. I can not sleep. I can not forgive myself. I can not look at you. What should I do Hassan? I am trapped. I have no way out.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-J1ADlO_ijA
AMIR
ReplyDeleteI admit that I have often despised you when I was a child. I despised the fact that even as an illiterate Hazara, you were still smarter than me. I hated following after you when you ran for those kites, but I knew I had to, because somehow, you always knew where the kite would land. When my father told Rahim Khan that you were the one who lived up to Baba's expectations, I was devastated. You are just a servant. Why does Baba care for you more than he cares for me? I wanted that blue kite. I wanted Baba to be proud of me. I would do anything for Baba, even if the consequence was leaving you, my brother, Hassan. Why have I not thought things through? If I knew that I had to suffer from this guilty for all these years, I would ot have bothered to search for you that day. For you, a thousand times over. I know that you have forgiven me, because you are Hassan. Hassan is always loving and loyal. Amir is cowardly. I tried to confess my sins, but all I did was confess to the dark. Where did I go wrong, Hassan? Why do I have to suffer such guilty?